Sexual Anorexia: 4 Reasons Women Avoid Sex

Unlike sexual addicts who “act out” by regularly pursuing promiscuous or high-risk sexual behavior, women who struggle with sexual anorexia do the opposite. They “act in.”

Often as a self-protecting mechanism, women with a fear of being intimate will go to great lengths to avoid, actively deny, and starve themselves from anything resembling intimacy, sexual connection, or even romance. It provides a sense of control in a seemingly uncontrollable situation.

And when the opportunity for anything close to intimacy arises? Women who avoid sex often make up excuses to hide their condition, further cutting them off from a satisfying, mutually beneficial connection.

What is Sexual Anorexia?

Also known as sexual aversion disorder, sexual avoidance, or inhibited sexual desire, recent data reported by The Hippocratic Post suggests that cases of sexual anorexia are increasingly prevalent. But this fear of being intimate still isn’t discussed in mainstream culture the same way sexual addiction has been.

The most comprehensive and respected resource that sheds light on the subject is in Meadows Senior Fellow Dr. Patrick Carnes’ groundbreaking book, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred. In it, Dr. Carnes explains how our sexual behavior is a core expression of who we are.

No respecter of age, class, or a particular demographic, sexual anorexia affects people emotionally, mentally, and physically. It can lead to symptoms generally associated with severe anxiety and depression and usually has an underlying traumatic or emotional component. “Sexual anorexia usually starts with abandonment or betrayal,” writes Carnes. “Sexual abuse would do it. But so would a profound rejection by a loved one or exploitation by a loved one.”

Top 4 Reasons for Sex Avoidance

While sexual aversion disorder is still notoriously difficult to diagnose, there are four main explanations for why women avoid sex:

1. Rejection

As anyone who has ever wanted to be in a relationship can attest, it’s not easy to put yourself out there. While rejection comes with the territory in relationships, it’s never easy. And the pain that comes with rejection runs deep. In fact, emotional pain activates the same regions of the brain that physical pain does, according to Healthline.com.

For many women, not being desired physically by your spouse, partner, or someone you’re in love with is more than simply being told “no.” It causes doubts about the relationship itself, whether your partner is still in love with you, or whether you’re desirable. And for those who have been in relationships that ended badly with cheating as the form of rejection, that can cause significant walls to go up with sexual intimacy and even physical affection that’s not explicitly sexual.

2. Past Sexual Abuse

Studies published in the National Library of Medicine have shown that sexual aversion disorder is especially prevalent in women with a history of sexual trauma including rape, incest, and molestation. The inability for someone who has endured such horrific circumstances to trust someone looms large. In many instances, shame is also a contributing factor, as many women might feel like “damaged goods,” undeserving of love, attention, and healthy expressions of intimacy.

3. Shame or Judgment

If you’ve grown up with a negative attitude toward sex brought on by shame, judgment, or maybe even as a result of a strict religious upbringing, avoiding sex altogether may feel safer. Struggles with sexual orientation out of fear of how loved ones may react can also lead to repression and sexual anorexia. Others, because of childhood trauma or abandonment by a close parent, relative, or friend may feel unworthy of love. As a result, they feel shame or judgment instead of connection and emotional pleasure.

4. Body Dysmorphia

We all have those days when we don’t love how we look. Maybe our hair isn’t cooperating, or we think our nose is too big or small. But body dysmorphia is more than feeling insecure about your body. It’s fixating on your physical features to the degree that it causes disruption to your daily life. For some women who struggle with body dysmorphia, they look for validation by engaging in risky sexual behavior. But for women with sexual anorexia, they isolate themselves.

This fear of judgment can cause you to feel triggered by being touched. So rather than enjoy sex or intimacy, it’s viewed as something to mentally check out of altogether. The same can happen to a woman who has recently given birth or is breastfeeding. The feelings about her body being in service to her child can cause a decrease in desire for sexual intimacy.

Help and Healing for Women

Do you or someone you love struggle with intimacy issues or sexual anorexia? Here at Willow House at The Meadows, we specialize in love, sex, and intimacy issues by addressing the underlying trauma that accompanies them. For more information on starting your journey to a healthier, happy you, don’t hesitate to reach out to our caring professionals.